FAQ

Yes, I can go grab your purse that you left in the car knowing full well you were going to need it later. It also doesn't help that it's 0° outside and after three trips back and forth, you finally realize that your purse was never in the car to begin with. Bonus points if your car is locked and you can't find the keys.

I often get asked this question. The short answer is no, I can't "make" a bagel but since apparently I have all the time in the world 5 minutes before clocking in, I can toast one. I've even memorized how my son likes his bagel: blueberry, almost burnt, with a generous amount of Philadephia cream cheese. He will sometimes mix things up and request stawberry cream cheese.

Followed by "Can you get me a water?" and "Can you put my phone on the charger?". I will then be asked to set the alarm, turn the TV on, find the remote, and turn off the light. Ten requests and 30 minutes later, I finally get to say goodnight, but not before one final question, "Can you close my door?".

If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me this question, payday wouldn't matter as much. Yes, we're in the second week of the pay period, and yes, we all have items in our Amazon cart. That's the struggle we must face when getting paid biweekly. I hear in some countries, people only get paid once a month. But have no worries kids, payday is always at most 13 days away.

Dear Uncle Alex, yes I have beer. In fact I keep the basement fridge stocked up just for you. Should you have another? Probably not, but that question did not make the FAQ list. So grab a beer, and enjoy the Bears game, they're having a great season this year. PS: you'll probably have no memory of how you got home, but your $200 heated jacket was most likely left behind at the bar.

The downside of having nieces and nephews who think money grows on trees. Sometimes I feel more like a bank than a human being, but I know it's money well spent. This time, I am told the money will go to something truly essential: Dunkin' Donuts. I am always eager to find places to invest my money with guaranteed zero return, so I comply with the request. Enjoy your iced coffee!

Ah, the holidays. Nothing pleases me more than to carry a pile of junk inside my freshly cleaned house. Sure, I spent most of the past two days deep cleaning and preparing for the occasion, but I don't see anything wrong with making one last minute gigantic mess right before all the guests arrive.